How Men Teach Women to Hate Men

A few years ago, my mother sat on my bed and told me that I shouldn’t hate men.

“Some men are bad, honey,” she said, “But there are also great men out there. You shouldn’t hate them all.”

At the time, I was frustrated. I had just got done telling her about Anita Sarkeesian’s “Women in Gaming” series, which I had binged that day, and it had awoken my mind to a big, giant, societal problem that I had never been able to bring into context the way she could. Suddenly, for the first time, someone else understood what it was like to be a girl wanting to see herself reflected in the culture she consumed. A girl who wasn’t a damsel, or a hardened (but still sexy) badass, or a flimsy love interest. Just. A hero. A main character. With agency and flaws and a story everyone could relate to.

But still I understand her point. Yes, okay, not all men are terrible. I know from experience that this is true. And to believe that all men are terrible doesn’t really help anything, it just makes my own existence harder since no matter how much I might “hate” them, I’ll still have to interact with them.

But also, I don’t hate men.

I don’t! I don’t hate them. I’ve met too many good men to hate them all. My dad, my friends, and many public figures I look up to – there are so many examples of good men.

But here’s the problem: I have to explain that to people.

That has to be the caveat. “I think women are systematically oppressed by a masculine-focused society BUT I don’t hate men.” That “but” has to be there. I can’t focus on women’s struggles without also bringing into account how men feel about those struggles, or else I get labelled as a crazy man-hater.

I don’t hate men! But you know who constantly pushes my capacity not to hate men? Men.

No wait, not men in general. No, a very specific kind of men.

You see, nine times out of ten, the people who encourage women to hate men are not women. Perhaps this is different in other people’s experience, but every time I’ve struggled with my “I don’t hate men” stance, it’s not been because of a woman’s view on how men are, but rather a man’s view of how men are.

Take for example a recent term I discovered. The “nu-male.”

Nu-males, according to Urban Dictionary, are “men (with “men” being used as loosely as possible) lacking self-respect who are completely devoid of any masculinity and will jump at any moment to defend women online for feminist brownie points while falsely believing that in return, they’ll receive sexual favors.”

I discovered this term in the comments section in a video of one of my favorite Youtubers, Folding Ideas, and it, at the time, terrified me. I’ve always liked Folding Ideas not only for his interesting and in-depth analysis of media, but also for his respect not only for women but for all quote-unquote “minorities,” often criticizing media for disrespecting them. That being said, his entire channel does not focus on feminist and socially conscious readings of media – that’s just an occasional topic.

Still, from the look of the comments section, you would think he talks constantly about feminism, and for only one purpose: to gain sexual favor from women.

Perhaps, for men, this idea is not terrifying. In fact, definitely for men it’s not terrifying. “Nu-male” is just a joke, a “witty” and cynical observation or a way to put down other men they disagree with.

However, for me, it just creates this world where every man wants nothing more than to have sex with every other woman. It creates a world where no man truly wants to treat women with respect, they just want to get into their pants through any means necessary.

I know that isn’t true. I don’t believe all men are like that. But so many men seem to believe it.

I mean, look at the idea of the “friend zone.” That popular notion that anytime a man is friends with a woman, he’s losing out on something. He’s missing his chance. “Poor guy, friend-zoned like that.”

Or, related, the “nice guy,” only being kind to women to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with her.

Or, when I was young, my father telling me that all boys are terrible and that I should never trust them.

“But, dad, you’re a boy!” I would say.

“Doesn’t matter,” he would say.

And so with all these terms, it’s obvious to me that the negative stereotypes about how men treat women come just as often, if not more often from men themselves. And yes, it’s more often than not in a joking manner, but its still indicative of a culture where men accept these stereotypes as unchangeable fact. And yet they are confused why women react negatively to the idea that no man will ever respect her as a human being.

Feminism, as a movement, doesn’t hate men. In fact, many feminism ideals benefit men as well, freeing them from their own gender roles and expecting decency and human empathy from them.

But those women who do hate men aren’t taught to do so by other women. No, there’s a litany of men out there who do the job for them.

 

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“In Flesh and Blood and Self-Hate” – Top 20 “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Songs

On recommendation from two different friends, I recently sat down and watched the CW’s TV show, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” and… let me say, it quickly became one of my all-time favorites. It’s basically everything you could want in a show – funny and dramatic with a cast of diverse, well-rounded characters who develop and change. Plus it’s a musical! I couldn’t recommend this show enough, but in lieu of an actual review, I decided I’d count down my top 20 favorite songs from the show. I thought it would be a fun way to talk about the show as a whole by focusing on arguably the best aspect of it – the music.

This was… a difficult list to say the least. There’s a lot of fantastic songs in the show, and I made some cuts from the list that honestly broke my heart. So I wanna do a quick shoutout to the songs that didn’t quite make the cut: I Have Friends, Research Me Obsessively, Ping Pong Girl, (big spoilers for the last two and nsfw language on the last one) Rebecca’s Resprise, and It Was a Shit Show. I also want to say that some of these songs will contain spoilers for the show. If you plan on watching the show, (which, oh my god, please do, it’s on Netflix, do it), I would advise overall to skip this post and just go watch it, since I can’t promise even the non-spoiler songs will stay clean when I get to talking about what makes them great. In addition, I’ll tag all nsfw content, including language and sexual content, you know, for the kiddies.

Without further ado, my personal Top 20 songs from “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”!

20. Where’s the Bathroom

I think one of the strongest aspects of this show is its characters. While there are a lot of characters with… ahem, flaws, every character in “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” is relatable and understandable. There are no true villains.

Still, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” spends a lot of time hyping up Rebecca’s mom before we even see her, mainly through Rebecca’s own perspective. For a while, I expected her to be the villain. After all, before even offically meeting her, we learn she was a controlling, overbearing presence in Rebecca’s life, who accepted nothing less than perfection from her daughter. She’s a pretty negative force in the show, even before the audience meets her, so when the episode rolled around that introduced her it only made sense that she would have a spectacular entrance. And… yep, she did, with this boisterous, hilarious song.

I think Rebecca’s mom is one of the underrated characters of this show. While she never really gets a redemption for her role in Rebecca’s past trauma (nor, arguably, does she really deserve one), her role in Rebecca’s current life is fascinating. I think this song does a great job at reflecting her well-meaning but ultimately jarring and misguided attempts to help her daughter. It also works so well in this incredible episode, the one that establishes the rocky but ultimately positive present relationship between Rebecca and her mother.

This song is hilarious, introduces a really fascinating character incredibly well, and maintains that, I guess, Jewish flair that I’ve come to expect from Rebecca’s family whenever they’re involved in musical numbers? It’s all very charming.

19. Love Kernels

Warning: Kind of spoilery, very light sexual references

This video is kind of astounding in its quality. I mean, the video even jokes about how much production budget was spent on this one number… but holy crap is it ever worth it. This video is beautiful, and nails the genre it’s trying to parody. I love the mix of absurd and serious imagery in this video.

Speaking of that, though, I think one of the strengths of this show as a whole is its ability to seamlessly mix comedy and tragedy. It’s one of the greatest examples of dark comedy I think I’ve ever seen, and while I don’t think this song is the best example of this, it certainly could be categorized as such. Rebecca is so earnest in her joy over her relationship with Josh, and yet it’s clear to the audience that she knows deep down that he’s not as into the relationship as she is. And that’s… tragic. To think that Rebecca puts all the effort and optimism into it anyway, even knowing that it’s mostly not reciprocated… well, it makes this song hurt a bit.

This is not by any means the most tragic song of the bunch either, but enjoy the beautiful aesthetics and slight heart tug this song provides anyway. Also… the song is just great overall. It just sounds really polished and… yeah, this is a good song.

18. Math of Love Triangles

Warning: Slight sexual references, kind of spoilery

I think it’s a hard sell to say one particular song in this show is the funniest, but this song made me smile at so many points. It’s really layered, so I’m gonna go into it all briefly. On the top layer, they absolutely nail the parody, as usual, because Rebecca looks and sounds just like Marilyn. The video itself is such a specific visual but it works so well – the striking blue of the background and Rebecca’s dress plus the obviously nerdy garb of all of the background singers… visually, it’s unique and memorable.

On the second layer, we have Rebecca’s delusions. A lot of songs in “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” play with the idea that Rebecca is not always totally in touch with reality and this song is… overt. The whole humor of it is Rebecca is clearly not seeing the reality of the situation and is blinded by her excitement over her imagined “love triangle” with Greg and Josh. That’s symbolized by her exaggerated stupidity regarding triangles and her focus instead on making them into some sort of sexual symbol. It’s an odd metaphor, but it really works well in this context.

And finally, shimmering beneath the surface is that slight criticism of the idea that women are the most sexy when they’re dumb and naive. The baby voice, the obvious playing dumb, coupled with the really childish sexual language in this song makes fun of the idea that women are at their sexiest when they’re most childlike and innocent, and I’m super glad that’s being called out for how ridiculous it is.

Plus… puns. Gotta love those puns.

17. His Status is Preferred

Warning: Slight sexual references

I really love Paula, and I’m sad she didn’t get more songs that made this list, so I had to include my favorite of hers. Paula tends to go for the big showstoppers, but I love this one for her because it’s still got that showstopping quality but it’s paired with the smooth, jazzy instrumentals. Her vocals are gorgeous and I just love her.

The song is in reference to a one-off fling she has with a minor character, but I still think it has a lot to say about her character as a whole. It speaks to her boredom, and her longing for an adventure, for something more, something exciting, in her life. I think that longing is what makes her a lot more than a sidekick to Rebecca, and makes her a really relatable and wonderful character in her own right.

I don’t have much else to say about this song… it’s just good. It’s good and you should listen to it, and then watch the show. Watch the show.

16. Women Gotta Stick Together

Warning: Some swearing, sexual references

Ahh Valencia. How you play with the audience’s emotions. I know I said earlier that Rebecca’s mom is the first villain of the show if there is one, but Valencia also kind of is too. But also not? It’s pretty nuanced. While she’s clearly set up to be an antagonist of sorts – rival for Josh’s love for Rebecca, in the same vein, her first episode sets her up as a surprisingly sympathetic character.

It’s no secret that Valencia’s distrust of other women is based on her negative experience as a teenager with other girls tearing her down. Valencia has had no prior proof that other women will help her in any way, and that belief drives her negative behavior in the present.

So this song? It’s… well it’s kind of tragic, actually. You can read into it for it’s humor, and yeah, it’s funny, but it’s also really sad in a way? Even as she symbolically leads a crowd of women in song, it’s clear in the lyrics that Valencia doesn’t trust any of them. And considering how her character develops throughout the show, the show as a whole seems to take the stance that women are human – they aren’t saints, but they aren’t demons either. Valencia learns to overcome her mistrust and this song remains as a criticism of using either extreme as fact.

15. We’ll Never Have Problems Again

Warning: Spoilers

Remember what I said earlier about Rebecca’s delusions? Oh yeah, here we are again with the delusioniest of them all. Now, Josh is along for the ride! I think the disco genre is perfect for this song. It’s delightful and happy, yet the whole time you can tell that there’s anxiety beneath the surface.

That’s what I love about this show though. Nothing is just one thing… none of the songs exist only for the sake of songs. This song drives home Josh and Rebecca’s delusions and unhealthy belief that their relationship is invincible with every part of the video – the flashy set, the way too extra outfits, Rebecca’s really heavy makeup… it all comes together to tell the audience something about the characters and the situation.

Plus, it’s a catchy song. I keep saying that they nail the parody, but, I mean, they do here too. They always do.

ALSO that live fade out though.

14. I Gave You a UTI

Warning: Sexual references, like, a lot of them.

Okay so this song… this song is… okay, yeah, yeah I know. It’s gross. And it is the first Greg song on this list! Get ready to see a lot more of him in this list. I think this is kind of the wrong song to sing his praises, so I won’t since we’ll get to that, but… yeah I love Greg.

And this song had to grow on me a bit. It came across the first time as kind of just a funny, absurd song, and that it certainly is. It’s stupidly catchy too, and it’s really fun to see the normally cynical and sad Greg so happy and excitable. But there’s… a bit more to it than that.

First of all, I love Greg and his vocals and they’re on full display here. But I also think this song is characterizing. Like I’ve talked about with Rebecca a few times, there’s a note of delusion to this song. Even as Rebecca continuously lectures him on the fact that her UTI is nothing for him to be excited about, he’s excited anyway. That speaks to his insecurity – he wants some reason, any reason, to believe he’s in control and in power when in reality he’s always been the one chasing after Rebecca. Also, that toxic masculinity being pointed out and made absurd. Yep.

But… you know, all that being said, I’m happy to see him happy too. I wish I could say it was because of the deep metatext or the social commentary but gosh I just am glad to see that boy happy, dumb and slightly problematic as it may be, ha ha.

13. What’ll It Be

See, Greg can (and most often is) serious too. I sort of forgot all about this song when making this list initially, but I came across it again and it’s so earnest and beautiful I had to include it. Greg’s character is unique because – more or less – his arc is complete in the show as it is. He desperately wants to get out of West Covina, and he does. He escapes, and on top of that, is shown to be aware of and working on combatting his alcoholism.

Compared to all the rest of the characters of “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Greg seems to be the only one so far to actually address and really work to solve his problems. However, up until that point, he acted sort of as an audience stand-in. He’s cynical and aware of the absurdity of the situations presented in the show, yet he carries an admiration for Rebecca that even he admits is misguided. I think this song really shows that latent relatability to his character.

While I doubt most of us have been stuck slinging beers to “soccer MILFs” in a town near but not that near to the California coast, I’m sure all of us have had moments where we felt the world had failed us. I know personally I think all the time about how the world is a game that seemed constantly rigged against me, and this song perfectly reflects those frustrations and those longings to break free and find something more.

It’s beautiful, powerful, and sung by one of “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s” best vocalists in my humble opinion. What more do you need?

12. JAP Battle

Warning: The video says explicit for a good reason, and also some sexual content.

I know I have a problem with admiring songs for my deep interpretations of their inner meaning, but I promise the top of this list has some just… purely fun songs here too. Like this one!

I really, really like Audra Levine. She doesn’t show up very often and gets more mentions than actual appearances, but she’s a really interesting foil to Rebecca in the fact that while Rebecca was off chasing her “California dream,” Audra lived the life that the audience could suspect Rebecca would have lived had she stayed in New York. And Audra is… well, certainly proud of that life, but the show seems to suggest that there’s something missing.

Sure, from a societal standard, Audra is more successful than Rebecca. She works for a more prestigious law firm, she’s engaged to another successful person, and she ultimately wins the court case in this episode. But it’s heavily suggested that Audra’s outward happiness does not equal inward fulfillment.

But all that aside – this rap battle is hilarious. It’s filled with clever wordplay, it’s engaging and exciting. I think if you want to jump into any of the songs without having seen the show first, this one is a good one.

(Also, mad shout-out to the West Covina crew behind Rebecca during this whole video. That one part that Josh scoots past on the rolling chair… and Daryl basically, like, the whole video. Just, Daryl.)

11. The Sexy Getting Ready Song

Warning: NSFW Language, some sexual content.

This song is one of the first in the entire show and it was this song that really convinced me on the show’s philosophy and format. I had never never seen the process of a woman getting ready depicted in such, honestly, gory realism. (Literally, in some cases). I mean, the backup dancers and Rebecca are shown dancing in spanx! Honest-to-god spanx. Have you ever seen spanx shown on mainstream television ever?

For real though, this song is hilarious. It’s so real, so relatable. It’s clear in this song – and, really, in the whole show – that the best and most realistic stories about women are written by women. Plus, they can be enjoyed by everyone, not just women.

Soapboxing aside, this song is catchy, smoothly written and has a great music video to match. (Especially the scene with Rebecca awkwardly dancing in her undergarments while the rapper freaks out about her getting-ready process.)

10. I Could If I Wanted To

Remember how I talked about how great Greg is? Well… a lot of what’s good about this song is due to what I’ve already said about Greg. His struggles to be something beyond a bartender in the town he grew up in conflict with his inherently lazy nature and his alcoholism, and this song addresses that conflict. It explains a lot of Greg’s mindset, and in an honestly super entertaining way.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have an actual name for the genre this song is parodying, and yet I enjoy this parody of that genre anyway. It’s honestly hilarious. My friends and I like to quote the part with the dad to each other all the time. Plus, that final comedic beat… “You’re an idiot.” This song doubles not only as a comedic part of an already hilarious show, it’s also a character study.

Works on multiple levels? Yep. Memorable and amusing? You bet’cha?

Clear bias for Greg? What-

9. We Tapped That Ass

Warning: NSFW language and sexual content (…obviously). Also, spoilers.

There’s a pure and simple reason why I enjoy this song, and there’s a deeper reason. I’m gonna start with the deeper one, just because.

As I’ve talked about a few times, one of my favorite parts of this show is the balance between dark drama and comedy. This song represents a really dark part of Rebecca’s life. It’s also right before she literally burns her apartment down. You couldn’t tell that just by listening to this song though – it’s gleeful, hilarious, and upbeat. And yet this song hits on a very specific type of self-consciousness. A gleeful, joking, inward sort of self hatred that manifests at your lowest point. It’s the act of laughing at how terrible you feel you are.

This song is the epitome of that feeling. In the depth of her self-loathing, Rebecca imagines the ghosts of her mistakes and is unable to mistake their gleeful “tap-dancing” all over her house.

That’s the deep reason why I enjoy this song. The simple reason, though, is because of Greg and Josh. While they’re not actually *there* in the context of the show, it’s still a joy to see them sing together because they never do in the actual show. Watching them sing and dance together is a rare treat and one I sincerely enjoy. Even if the humor is crude.

8. West Covina (Josh Reprise)

The original “West Covina” was the first song in the entire show, and it’s a delight, but I really, really love this reprise of it. It’s a turning point for both Josh and Rebecca. Before, Rebecca’s obsessive admiration for Josh seems one-sided and unlikely to ever be reciprocated. Yet, after her moment of coming clean to Josh and his friends, he is the only one to remain behind and relate to her longing for a place that is sunshiney and happy.

And, knowing West Covina, knowing Rebecca, the audience knows that both of their points of view are… well, they’re slightly over-optimistic. And yet it is this beautiful, hopeful reprise that makes the audience see their point of view. In a world that so often normalizes cynicism, it’s rare to see two spots of bright hope.

Are Josh and Rebecca in the right? Well, not entirely, and the show doesn’t try and depict them as such. Yet, their opinions, misguided or no, are shown in this song. Rebecca’s blind love of Josh and Josh’s blind love of West Covina… both are perhaps misguided, and yet they’re sincere.

7. I Give Good Parent

Warning: Explicit language, sexual content.

I’ve heard this song a million times at this point and I still couldn’t possibly explain to you what the title means… and yet this song is delightful. The music video is hilarious and such a well-done parody (as I… keep saying). The rap is hilarious and clever, and the chorus is so honestly and legitimately catchy that it gets stuck in my head.

Huge major shoutouts to Josh’s mom, who is just a riot in this song. Lourdes Chan is a lowkey fantastic character. There are so many visual and auditory gags in this video that I can’t even begin to praise them all. And honestly, I would love to, but it’s really better to just watch the video. Get the song stuck in your head. Join me.

6. I’m Just a Girl in Love (Season 2 Opening)

So listen up. Here’s my hot take. The season one intro is great. It’s charming. But it can’t even hold a candle to the season two intro. The season one intro certainly sums up the premise of the show well, in a very straightforward, no-frills kind of way. This intro takes it to a whole new level.

It represents so many core themes of the show. On a surface level, love in popular culture, and how it’s so often used as a handy excuse for so many unhealthy behaviors. And then there’s mental health, the key word being “crazy,” and the all-too-common view that mental health issues are quirky or cutesy. And then, of course, there’s the delusions of Rebecca herself. Her own rationalizations of her behavior.

It’s multi-layered and represents the show perfectly. Plus, the video and song itself are fun and never get stale or tiring. Simple, effective, meaningful. That’s what you need for a perfect intro. And this intro is perfect.

*BLAM!*

5. You Stupid Bitch

Warning: I’m unsure whether or not this constitutes as spoilers so… better safe than sorry? Also, NSFW language, obviously. Look at the title.

It’s not often that you find a song that feels like the songwriter dove into your thoughts and plucked out a piece of your inner dialogue, so when you do, you gotta talk about it. Or, at least, I do.

And no, I don’t say that to illicit sympathy. I don’t think I’m alone in relating to this song. I think it’s a fairly common thing for one negative thing to set of a spiral of unrelated negative thoughts in people. And yet I’ve never seen this phenomenon represented so brutally and honestly in a TV show or… anywhere, really.

Rebecca is an incredibly real character. I think this song is one of the best examples of this. It’s in the little things – the song itself, of course, but also the way she wears the slim-fit dress even without the tiny waist that usually is seen as a requirement to wear that kind of dress. Or in her little interjections, the “Sing with me!”, the “Yes! I deserve this!”. I’ve met Rebecca. I am Rebecca. I know so many Rebeccas. I think we’re all a little bit Rebecca.

And that’s the beauty of this show. It takes a character who is so very flawed in so many dramatic ways like Rebecca Bunch and makes you see yourself, your own flaws, within her.

Phew, deep, right?

4. Santa Ana Winds

Warning: Big, big spoilers in the second clip onward. 

Best character in “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” is undoubtedly Santa Ana Winds.

Okay, I’m mostly kidding. Mostly. But the Santa Ana Winds episode is such a unique framing for an episode, and it only makes it more perfect that it’s “narrated” by the very winds that incite all the incidents in the episode.

Santa Ana Winds guy is so charming though. I love his dancing, his outfit, his weird little gait as he walks down the street, the way he plays the “prankster (tee hee hee hee)” role so well. It’s all so charming. Plus, the song is just… it’s so good. I feel bad not being able to say more about this song but… ugh. It’s just so good. It’s just so, so good. Words fail, and the wind speaks… and also makes things weird.

3. Friendtopia

You know… I think I praised this show before because I felt like all of the songs had really deep and important roles in the show and there’s no filler songs. But… this one kind of is a little bit. But you know what? I don’t care.

I love this show for how it depicts a range of female friendships between diverse and well-rounded women. I wish that wasn’t such a precious rarity, but it is, and so I must celebrate it where it exists. This song, I think, exemplifies the positive attitude this show takes toward female friendships, and that’s why I love it so much.

Plus, I mean, god, that Spice Girls reference. It’s so funny. So good. The clipped British accents, the prancing around in front of the camera, everything. And while I don’t really understand the “dystopia” reference in the context of the episode, I really enjoy it. It gives rise to such glorious lines as “We’re gonna braid each other’s hair, then cut each other’s braids, connect the braids to make a rope to HANG ALL OF CONGRESS” and “Squad Goals: Take control of the banks.” What could be better?

Also there was that one time White Josh stood in for Heather in a live performance of this song and it was beautiful.

2. Oh My God I Think I Like You

Warning: This song is about sex, and therefore is basically entirely sexual references. Also, spoilers.

I feel like I don’t have to make much of a case for why this song is so good. Are a lot of the scenes in this music video kind of ridiculous and humorous? Oh, totally. Completely. But watch it and tell me you aren’t moved. Go on, do it, I dare you. Bet you can’t.

This song is just so completely earnest and sweet. I feel like the two weeks of sex these two have in the show would be a really easy window for crude humor, and yeah there is plenty of that in this song, and yet it’s also sweet. This show makes a two-week sex marathon seem earnest and sweet just by framing it in a unique manner, showing Rebecca’s thought process throughout.

And it’s just brilliant. It’s incredible. It’s taking something that would be an easy road to a few sex jokes and turning it into a characterizing moment for Rebecca, a real turning point for her. Where once she was single-mindedly devoted to Josh, it’s a revelation that she might have feelings for someone else, and the show expects the audience to be right along with her in her amazement over this development. It really shows how the show prides the emotional connection between the characters and the audience, and I appreciate that.

Also, the song is just good. It’s radio-quality. A great pop song. 10/10.

1. Settle for Me

So, when I started writing this list, I had a really hard time picking the order of the songs. It was a painful process full of doubt and second-guessing, because so many of these songs are incredible and all deserve a number one spot on somebody’s list.

And yet, I knew in my heart from the very start which song would take my number one spot. This song comes super early in season one… episode four, I think. And yet, it’s remained with me for the entire show. It’s just a showstopper.

It hits all the checkpoints for me. Characterizing? Yup. For Greg, of course, it’s a thesis statement of his relationship not only to Rebecca but to his entire world. Of course Greg would approach his relationship with Rebecca with the same sort of cynical realism with which he proceeds to approach everything in the rest of the show. But for Rebecca, it shows her difficulty in seeing reason, the way she clutches tight to fantasy.

Technically well-done? Of course. The video is delightful. The choreography is wonderful, without even taking into account the beautiful, sweeping music. Lyrics? Perfect. Humorous and yet also bitingly tragic at times. Just the way I like ’em. Aesthetic? Spot-on. That black-and-white, those outfits, god, it’s all so perfect. Hint of social commentary? Oh yes, definitely. Greg’s masculinity is kind of one of his biggest issues, and this song makes that blatantly obvious.

It’s dark and funny and beautiful and you probably knew it was going to take my number one spot from the cover picture and title of this post alone, but I don’t care. I love this song. I’ll scream it to the heavens, repeat it as often as you’d like. It’s a triumph. Just like this entire show is a triumph.

Anyway, tl;dr, watch “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” It’s good and you won’t regret it. Season three comes out soon. Do it.

 

 

And I’m Part of the Problem Too – Concerning Women in Music

I’ve been spending an embarrassing amount of time watching Top Ten videos on Youtube lately. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s my obsessive love of lists and analysis. They just hit a certain place in my soul that’s very satisfying.

And of course, in line with my own sensibilities, a lot of these Top Tens have to do with music. Top Ten Stupidest Lyrics, Top Ten Saddest Songs, Top Ten Most Controversial Musicians, Top Ten Most Interesting Music Facts… name it and I’ve probably watched a video on it. Music is a vast ocean of interesting facts and I’ve learned a lot from these videos, but I’ve also noticed some… disturbing patterns.

It’s not as if I didn’t already know that women are vastly underrepresented in pretty much all genres of music. But these Top Tens all too often make this fact so obvious that it’s PAINFUL. All of the Top Ten bests seem filled to the brim with dudes, while all of the Top Ten worsts seem to feature every female pop star you could possibly fit. It happens over and over and over again, and I’m really sick of it.

Of course there are exceptions. There are always exceptions, but that’s all there is… exceptions.

And the more I think about it, the more upset I get, because I start to realize… I’m part of the problem too.

You see, my personal favorite genre, Alt Rock, is a genre of music I myself have praised as diverse and interesting. I’ve thought to myself often in a sort of giddy reverence that I’m just so pleased that I’ve found myself a fan of so many open and accepting bands, bands that address real-world issues and open their arms to fans of all types. I often shun other genres like rap and pop and country for being backward and misogynistic, or racist… but then… wait a minute…

How many popular diverse alt rock bands are there really? Okay, let’s quantify this by taking a look at my personal favorite radio station – Alt Nation – and its current Top 18 and its demographics.

  1. Silvertongue – Young the Giant 5m
  2. On Hold – The xx 2m 1f
  3. Down – Marian Hill 1m 1f
  4. Love is Mystical – Cold War Kids 5m
  5. Middle Fingers – Missio 2m
  6. Wish I Knew You – The Revivalists 7m
  7. Send them Off!  – Bastille 5m
  8. Cocoon – Milky Chance 3m
  9. Believer – Imagine Dragons 4m
  10. I Don’t Wanna Dance – COIN 4m
  11. Blood in the Cut – K Flay 1f
  12. Good Morning – Grouplove 4m 1f
  13. Radio – Sylvan Esso 1m 1f
  14. Pork Soda – Glass Animals 4m
  15. Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales – Car Seat Headrest 4m
  16. Born Again – Saint Motel 4m
  17. Heavydirtysoul – twenty one pilots 2m
  18. Rhythm & Blues – The Head and the Heart 5m 1f

And the results are… disappointing. Of the 68 total performers represented in that top 18, only six of them are female. That is not even ten percent of the total! I checked! I did math!

Yes, there’s a problem with misogyny in popular music but… that problem is everywhere, and is worse in places not under popular scrutiny. The genre of music I had always through was so open and diverse was really… not at all. Maybe in meaning, it was open and inclusive, but in practice, there is just as much of a lack of female presence as anywhere else. In fact, it’s probably worse.

But that’s not exactly my fault, is it? I mean, I’m just listening to music. I don’t actively seek out all male bands all the time to listen to, do I? It’s not like we’re actively discriminating against female artists, this is just what’s popular within one genre, right?

Well, yeah, I guess. But the problem with that mentality is that it leaves the question of why there is such an unbalance unanswered. Technically, there should be no reason why only ten percent of performers in Altnation’s top 18 is female. There is nothing about alternative rock that says it’s inherently more difficult for women to be successful at performing, except… it clearly is. If it wasn’t, why is there such an inequality?

This leads me to examining my own personal music tastes, where I think there’s a far more even split. Yeah, I listen to a lot of male singers (Walk the Moon, Arctic Monkeys, Saint Motel, etc…), but there’s also a ton of great female musicians I love! And I think the biggest problem with them is that I don’t talk about them enough.

So, why not? Here’s a list of my favorite female artists, along with a few of my favorite tracks of theirs. This women’s history month, let’s take a minute to celebrate them.

Marina and the Diamonds


When I set out to write this, Marina was absolutely the first artist who came to mind. And that’s what Marina is – an artist. All of her albums are statements, incredibly put-together with such a cohesive message and aesthetic that it’s almost magical.

I was introduced to Marina through her album, “Electra Heart,” and the thing about that album is, if you just listen to one or two tracks off of it, you might be fooled into thinking Marina’s aesthetic is just there for aesthetic’s sake. However, take a listen to the whole album and you’ll find it an incredibly insightful deconstruction of the various stereotypes placed on women. From the Homewrecker to the Heartbreaker to the Housewife, Marina shows an incredible insight into the downfalls and shortcomings of every false image she takes on.

Not to mention, looking past the social commentary and artistry of every song she’s ever created, Marina also has an incredibly powerful voice to back it up. I’ve yet to find a song of hers I don’t like – from the beginning of her career to now.

She’s a unique voice in music, and one I will continue to return to, time and time again.

Grimes

If ever there was a renaissance woman in music, look no further than Claire Boucher, otherwise known as Grimes. She’s not only the face of her musical act… she’s the writer, the producer, the performer. She directs all of her music videos, and illustrates all of the art that goes on her album and track covers. Basically anything you see or hear in any of these videos – yep, that’s Claire Boucher.

Sure, yeah, her particular style and aesthetic can be a little hard to swallow at first. Believe me – it took a bit of listening to get used to her slightly off-kilter approach to music.

But really, all it took me was a few minutes to read the lyrics and meanings of all of the songs on “Artangels” (her newest and honestly most incredible album), to completely hop on board with every strange image she creates. Gorey or adorable or creepy or beautiful… I love it all.

Her lyrics are incredibly in-depth, her songs are unique and authentic… I couldn’t recommend the music of the one and only Grimes more highly.

Vienna Teng

I’m a casual fan of Broadway, but I usually find my specialties and tastes lie more in musicians rather than musicals… but Vienna Teng melds the positives of both styles. Each one of her songs tells a different story in such a meaningful way.

Vienna’s voice is warm and calming, but her lyrics are poetry – mixing gorgeous language with incredible storytelling. Plus, she tends to opt for classical instrumentation, clarinets and strings and sometimes just a simple piano.

It’s maybe contradictory to talk about Vienna’s Broadway appeal in the same breath as her subtlety, but trust me, just give it a listen. She doesn’t need big boisterous numbers to sell the drama of the stories she’s telling. All she needs is her incredible skill with the written (sung?) word.

This is possibly my nerdiest review of a musician yet, but come on. Vienna melds all the things I love together: stories, an attention to detail, and incredibly-written lyrics. Give her a listen, you won’t regret it.

Regina Spektor

I feel like I’ve loved Regina Spektor for as long as I’ve loved music. That’s maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but there’s just something about her that has appealed to me from a really young age all the way until now.

Certainly, she has a beautiful voice. But it’s what she does with it – the frank, earnest lyrics she performs and the sometimes goofy vocal effects she uses so often to make her point. Regina has the talent and the looks to stand and sing ballads all day long, but she doesn’t.

Instead, she brings a real energy to every song she performs – a dose of humor alongside her sometimes blunt portrayal of life. There’s a lot more to her than meets the eye – and she constantly proves it with each new song.

Regina Spektor has been one of my favorites for years, and I suspect she’ll remain there for a long time.

Haim

A relatively new favorite, Haim is that cool, super chill indie band made up of all sisters that you never knew you needed in your life.

With a really great sound with a foot in both rock and pop, the girls in Haim use their crisp, clear voices perfectly. Listen to those harmonies! Just beautiful.

Plus, and this is very important to me, a lot of their songs are awfully relatable – down-to-earth lyrics. These girls don’t sugarcoat anything, and their tongue-in-cheek views comes through in all of their songs.

And I mean, come on. Next time you need the name of a super cool indie band to drop to impress all your friends, why not try Haim?

Halsey

Halsey’s music just oozes style. Is her music a little angsty? Sure, but it’s in a way that makes me feel like I’m the coolest kid ever, even if I’m also apparently the saddest.

All jokes aside, though, Halsey’s lyrics are beautiful and the music in her songs is beautiful and her voice is beautiful and everything she does is beautiful. She’s got this unique style of singing that’s so hard to describe – but it’s warm and really pleasant to listen to.

Plus, every one of her songs is bursting with meaning and artistry. I’ve spent some time just parsing through her often deeply personal lyrics and they’re all so gorgeous.

So, embrace your deep inner angst and spend some time listening to Halsey. You won’t regret it.

Florence and the Machine

If you want to talk about powerful vocals, look no further than Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine because good GOD can she sing. Every note that comes out of her mouth is 100% pure and perfect and I can’t stress enough how amazing she is.

If her gorgeous voice wasn’t enough, though, she also creates such grand, sweeping tracks to back her vocals, and it’s an experience. Every single one of her songs is a journey, almost gospel-like in its grandeur.

And Florence herself is almost goddess-like. I mean, it’s no surprise, with vocals like that. But still, I have to love the ethereal image she evokes in all of her music videos – such an absolute joy to see.

Florence and the Machine is another one of my old favorites, and just sifting back through these songs has reminded me once again why I love her so much.

Lorde

Did you know Lorde was only sixteen when her big hit, “Royals”, hit the US Top 40s? Isn’t that 100% crazy? When I was sixteen I could barely stand up straight, much less write and perform hit songs…

Lorde has such a unique tone to her voice, and such a unique, relatable perspective in all of her songs. It’s hard not to pay attention when someone that young has such raw talent, and it’s amazing how she just keeps getting better and better.

(Also, I must confess, I’ve listened to her newest song, “Green Light”, so many times in the past 48 hours and oh my GOD is it ever the most beautiful thing and I suspect I’ll never grow tired of it…)

The hype is real, Lorde is amazing. I can’t wait to see where she goes with her career – I expect great things.

Sara Bareilles

I end my list with a feel-good favorite. I’ve been a casual fan of Sara Bareilles for years, and I always find her music bringing a smile to my face. Well, except for one song, “Gravity”, which brings a tear to my eye, but that’s a good thing.

When she’s not singing gorgeous yet tear-jerking ballads, though, Sara Bareilles has the kind of music that makes you want to hop up on your feet, grab someone you love, and dance for like three hours without a care in the world. She inspires such joy and fun.

There’s something so wholesome and good about her music, and it’s something I just love. Deep, tragic meanings are fun in music, but sometimes you just want a feel-good number, and Sara Bareilles delivers.

So, with that, my list of favorite musical ladies comes to an end. This list is by no means all-encompassing, of course. If I had to list every female musician I’ve ever liked, we’d be here all day. But I hope these few musicians will help you find a new favorite to add to your collection this Women’s History month.